He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
