It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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