I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
