So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize