So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
