I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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