Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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