The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
