No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They took my balls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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