Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
