remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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