Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
