They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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