Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
