She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
