i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize