So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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