if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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