I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
