If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
