I love black thongs
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
