someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
