woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
