If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
