I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
