Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
