is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
