Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
