I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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