watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize