I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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