Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
