just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
