Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
