i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
