she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
