That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
