Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
