how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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