yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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