The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
