Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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