anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
