I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
