guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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