his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
