I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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