How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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