When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
