Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
