when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize