that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
