I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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