this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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