giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
