She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
