He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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