Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tell me about the fingering
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