Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
