My sheets look like a crime scene.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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