totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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