Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
