Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
