..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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