my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
