I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
