whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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