There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
