After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
