im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
