my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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