Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
