If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
