I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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