she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
