If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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