..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's like iHOP with fire
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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