I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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