the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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