If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
