you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
