Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
