this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who died my cat blue again?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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